


larksong

by bentleys



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Family, Flashbacks, Lesbian Character(s), Letters, NamiVivi Focused, Original Character(s), Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 07:31:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18616015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bentleys/pseuds/bentleys
Summary: Despite her burgeoning new relationship with her girlfriend Vivi, Nami still finds herself unsettled, restless. Trying to work through her feelings, she returns to her childhood village of Cocoyashi. There, she accidently unearths something she never expected to find - letters written to her mother from another woman.Loveletters.





	larksong

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for the 2018/19 Big Bang Challenge (my first Big Bang)! I'm grateful to everyone involved in organizing this challenge or encouraging me to join it - it's been really fun and I'm so proud of what we've produced.
> 
> The amazingly talented [stjarnskrik](https://stjarnskrik.tumblr.com) did the art for this story and was also incredibly kind and encouraging about this fic as it progressed. Thank you so much, Anna! 
> 
> A brief note on the content here: This fic is not a ~tragic gay story~ by any means, but there is a past F/F relationship that does not get a happy ending, and there are references to the role that homophobia played in the lives of these women. It's altogether fairly mild, but homophobia is traumatizing and I take the fact that my fellow gay people may not want to read about it seriously, so I thought I'd make a note about it before we begin. There is no homophobic language or homophobic violence depicted - we're talking mostly implied stuff here, and all in the past.

It was in the dead of winter that Nami realized she needed to go home. ‘Home’ usually meant her apartment, but, deep in the heart of her, it would _always_ also mean Cocoyashi, and that’s where she needed to be. Life urged it from her; the trees stayed bereft of leaves, the sun was slow in her hardscrabble battle to push back the night. The turmoil of December  had faded into the everyday slog of February, and Nami was tired. She was distracted at work, uneasy and restless in her downtime. One night, of a mug of mulled wine with her friends, she voiced it.

“I think I need to visit my sister.”

She was in Franky’s house; it was warm, and pleasant, and she felt safe -- but still restless. Robin was standing by the stove, watching her, and she raised a curious eyebrow at her pronouncement. “A need to return home?” She asked, because of course Robin got it.

“To Cocoyashi,” Nami clarified. Her mother’s town, past tense; her sister’s town, present tense. Not her town anymore, but it did still own her.

“Ah,” Brook said, emerging in that sudden way of his. “Unfinished business, Miss Nami?”

Nami rolled her eyes, but; _Perhaps that_ is _what this is,_ she thought. _The past still hanging over my head._ She tapped her foot against the floor, took another sip of wine. It was warm and reassuring. “Something like that, I guess.”

“Sometimes the places we leave are vastly different when we return,” Robin said. She was still watching Nami curiously. “And then, I suppose, sometimes they haven’t changed a bit. Strange, isn’t it? Which do you wish to find?”

Nami frowned. She refused, on principle, to be psychoanalyzed in the back of a converted RV. “I dunno, Robin. Maybe I just miss my sister.”

“Hm,” said Robin doubtfully. “I suppose that’s possible.”

 

 

Possible, but unlikely. Nami had to admit there were probably a whole host of reasons why she was in her bedroom, packing a bag to journey back to the place she was raised. They ranged from the mundane and vaguely embarrassing -- she was, undeniably, _homesick_ , an emotional weakness that she had certainly never suffered as the fiercely independent teenager that she’d been, proud to never need Nojiko or anyone -- to the more personal.

Things with Vivi were _good_. Very good, actually, but Nami was finding it somewhat difficult to wrap her head around their relationship all the same. Her so-called love life had mostly, prior to the current epoch, consisted of kiss-and-runs; brief-lived flings with girls she liked but whom she never called back. The most serious encounter had been with a fiery girl named Carina when they were both sixteen, but loyalties were hard to come by when you were both angry and young and sleeping rough, and betrayals had abounded.

It wasn’t like that now. No, genuinely, _it wasn’t like that now, at all_ , and at this point, Nami’s life hadn’t been like that for years; a glorious string of many months where she had a place to sleep, and disposable income, and a group of friends that were obnoxious and insane but whom she loved, really loved.

And then there was Vivi, too. A friend at first, and still a friend, but also something else, something brand new. Nami was so happy with her that it scared her sometimes; it felt almost too good to be true even when they’d just shared one awkward kiss and were dancing around each other, too-cautious.

Maybe she was going to Cocoyashi to relinquish her past, or maybe she was going to see if she was really so different a person that she could have something like this relationship now, or maybe it was some other reason that hadn’t occurred to her yet.

 _Sometimes,_ she thought, laying out one of her favorite outfits for the morning, like a good luck charm, _you can’t worry about the ‘whys.’ I know what I have to do._

 

 

Knowing it was the correct choice at the correct time didn’t make it feel any less strange. The house, Bellemere’s house, was just as she remembered it.

Well, off course it was. Nojiko, like Bellemere, wasn’t exactly rolling in cash; they both kept up repairs in the same practical way-- you fix what _needs_ to be fixed, and don’t worry about the paint job. Function over form; although both women brought with them their own aesthetic values. The yard was mostly barren in the winter cold, but Nami could see life hanging on there. She knew that for as long as the land allowed it, Nojiko would keep coaxing their mother’s beloved bushes into bearing fruit. She could see the splashes of bright orange in her mind’s eye, conjuring the memory of their sweet taste.

She didn’t cry, but, well, if her eyes prickled with unshed tears, that was no one’s business but her own, dammit.

 

 

Nojiko was at work when she arrived, but she’d told Nami to make herself at home, and so she had -- however odd it was that her childhood residence _was_ a place that she had to make herself at home in, now. She’d tossed her bag onto the bed in what had once been the room she’d shared with Nojiko, and it felt so distant and foreign, like peering into the doorway of a place she’d visited once, but was barred from returning to. She was back but she could never be _back_ , and she’d understood that -- she learned with Bellemere’s death that time was cruel, and you could never go back -- but still. It was a little unnerving, all the same.

Leaving her bag unpacked, she went and sat in the living room for a moment, looking at the tall taper candles Nojiko had lined up on the windowsill; at the new plants, green and overflowing in their pots. Nojiko hadn’t replaced the small paintings on the wall, gifts passed down from Bellemere’s parents, and they were getting old, their cheap frames showing their wear.

It had been so _long_ for Nami, and it seemed so impossibly strange -- that Nojiko was living here still, knee-deep in memories. How did she not see Bellemere’s death at every corner? Nami was trying not to think about it, but she couldn’t help it -- memories she’d long since buried kept reemerging like Spring weeds, creeping into the manicured lawn of her mind. Everywhere she looked was someplace that Bellemere had stood; there, was the corner where their mother had played with them; there, was her bookshelf with its cookbooks and plant identification booklets; there, was the window out which she’d watched Arlong arrive to disrupt their universe. And at the same time it was -- incredibly -- Nojiko’s home.

But for the moment, her sister was away, and Nami stepped softly out of the room and into the cramped hallway with its warped old stairs, and looking at them, she thought, _If Nojiko left anything of the past it’ll be there._ Below the stairwell was an old chest, something that -- if her mother’s stories were to be believed, anyway -- Bellemere had had since her youth, and dragged with her across countries. There were souvenirs in there, Nami knew, and photographs, and a scarf that had belonged to Bellemere’s grandmother. But what else? Struck by a sudden overwhelming curiosity, she hefted the trunk into her arms and carried it into her childhood sanctuary, carefully set it down beside the bed.

She knelt beside the chest, lifted its lid -- softly, even though there was no one to hear it but her. It felt how she vaguely imagined a sacred space must feel; and she wanted to be quiet and gentle. The first things she pulled out were the photographs she was expecting, but they were precious ones indeed; labelled in Bellemere’s messy handwriting with dates and names. Her mother as a young woman, her hair long and her face clear and handsome. There were pictures of her with family and friends; people Nami didn’t recognize, and shared no blood with, but who were still sort of her family, too. There were newer things as well, photos of herself and Nojiko crossing the years. She smiled at her own tiny face, and still did not cry, although she could no longer fully ignore the feeling building behind her eyes.

Then, while sitting back on her knees, holding the old scarf between her hands, she saw something she’d never noticed before; a corner sticking up. _Another photo?_ She moved to pull it out, and when it came loose -- _oh_ . She grinned, charmed that she could still feel such childish amazement at her mother. Of _course_ Bellemere had a hidden compartment in her trunk. She slid her fingers under the edges, careful not to pull too hard and break something. It slid open easily, and a rush of papers started to fall. Nami caught them, and laid them gently on the floor in front of her.

They weren’t photographs. They were plain envelopes, mostly, and she groaned, wondering if she’d just found some secret stash of overdue bills. But the first one she flipped over had a handwritten address on it, stamps crowding up the corner. _A letter?_ The dry flap of the envelope lifted easily, and she slid the contents out. Yes, a letter. And addressed to Bellemere, written in neat, blocky, print.

 

_Belle,_

_Of course you don’t know how to write a letter. I mean, who does? We have telephones, you know, in this modern era. Even this thing called the World Wide Web, that you may have heard of. Although, it’s probably best you chose this form of communication, because you know I hate talking on the phone -- I wanna_ see _you, dammit! -- and the computers they keep for visitors at the libraries are incomprehensible to me. So, no email. Doubt you’d be any more confident there anyway, huh?_

_I think you did alright with that letter you wrote me. Although guessing by what you wrote in it I suspect that was your third or fourth try. Probably wasted some poor trees, scribbling over all that paper just to refuse to send it. I hope you kept all of the rejected attempts so I can come laugh at them later._

_See, the secret to writing a letter (in my opinion, and you know I’m an expert at those opinion things) is doing exactly what I’m doing here -- writing whatever the hell you want, ‘cause there’s only one person who’ll be reading it anyway, and I know her, I know she’ll get it. Write just how you talk, baby, and I’ll write back what I wanna whisper in your ear._

_XOXO_

_LARK_

 

The realization came over Nami gradually; her mind piecing the story together in slow parts, coming up with the only possible explanation of events. A letter; to her mother; from another woman with an unfamiliar name. _A love letter_.

 _Oh God_ , she thought. _Oh, God. Bellemere._

_Mom._

She had wondered, of course. It was only natural -- she’d had the misfortune of only knowing her mother as a child, and her teenage and then adult mind had wished to know so much more, to know the scandalous or strange stories that her mother never got to tell. Bellemere had no family beyond her girls by the time she died, so she took her secrets to the grave, and Nami -- well. She _wondered_.

There had never been men in Bellemere’s life, but then, there hadn’t really been a lot of adults that Nami was aware of in general. Bellemere was friendly with their neighbors and her coworkers, but that was about it. It was an isolated life, but it was how most people lived around Cocoyashi -- which was one of the things Nami had most wanted to escape when she left for city living.

But her mother’s cheerful and consistent rejection of gender norms and gendered expectations, for herself and for her children, had certainly caused a young Nami to question if perhaps there never any men in Nami’s young life simply because Bellemere didn’t want there to be. When Nami started to look at girls, started to be interested in things she’d never expected, when romance suddenly became appealing rather than scary -- the thought had crossed her mind, certainly. Had Bellemere ever looked at other women, too?

 _Yes_ , said the precious letter in her hand. _Your mother was like you; or, perhaps, you’re like her._ Feeling distant and overwhelmed, Nami finally noticed a dark paper poking out from one of the envelopes. Fishing it out, she looked at the photograph of two smiling adults; her mother and someone else, a woman she’d never seen before.

 _Hello,_ her mind produced. _Nice to meet you, Lark._

Nami let out a shaky breath, and picked up another letter to read.

 

_Bellemere,_

_I wish I could see your girls. I know you’d have me there, and trust me, I wanna be there, but it’s just...too much, you know?_

_I’m sorry for that. Real sorry. I wish -- more than anything -- to be something for you, always, a presence who exists, shamelessly and proudly, but I don’t know how to_ be _that._

_You’re so far away, almost unreachable; and I don’t know if that’s a fair assessment or if I’m just terrified. Maybe your small-town paranoia is getting to me._

_Either way I love and miss you. The whys and wherefores mean don’t mean shit when I pull the blankets up over myself and you aren’t there, your warmth isn’t there, the softness of your touch isn’t there._

_Imagine that I touch you as you read these words. That’s the truth of me, that’s what I want to give to you._

_Words so simple yet so damning in their desire that I can scarcely believe I wrote them, am writing them, will close them up in an envelope and send them, but I must. You have to know the whole of it. I wish I could lay beside you in bed at night -- every damn night -- and I wish I could touch you and I wish you could tell me your thoughts, even the bad ones. I wish I could meet your girls, that they could know me too._

_There’s too much space in between us._

_I miss you._

_LARK_

 

Nami didn’t know how long it was that she sat there and read; read a one-sided story of two women who loved and wanted one another desperately, but were kept apart sometimes by distance and circumstance. Lark’s letters were clear, passionate, sometimes intimate -- they were fiercely personal, fiercely _real_. It was overwhelming to look at that but turning away was an impossibility, and Nami didn’t even try. She had to know as much as she could, to try to understand this dimension of her mother’s life. Eventually, she heard the door unlatch and realized it was Nojiko; she’d been too caught up in her discovery to even hear the rumble of her car or the tread of her feet on the pathway up to the door.

“Nami?” her sister’s voice called. Receiving no reply, she tried again. “Namiiii? Are you asleep?”

Nami’s heart was still pounding, but -- surely Nojiko had known about this? Why the hell had she never seen fit to mention this; that their mother was in love and had a whole hidden pocket full of treasures to prove it?

She stood on shaky legs. She set the letters carefully on the floor, and crossed to the door.

“If I had been napping,” she said dryly, “that would’ve been a pretty rude way to wake me up.”

Nojiko spotted her and grinned. “There you are! And like, hey, it’s my prerogative as the older sister to be sort of rude.”

“I contest that.”

Nojiko shrugged, and stepped across into the hallway to pull Nami into a tight hug. “You can try,” she said.

As she pulled back she finally seemed to recognize something in Nami’s face, and peered at her even as Nami frowned, looked away.

“Hey, are you okay? Did something -- happen? Something bad? Is that why you came?”

“That’s not why I came,” Nami said. She wanted, then, to just go back into her old room, and sit in silence with the letters again. Perhaps Nojiko could tell her more about them, or perhaps she couldn’t, or there was a reason she hadn’t.

“So something _did_ happen,” Nojiko was saying.

“No -- well. Kind of. I--” she bit her lip. “I was just feeling really nostalgic, I guess. And so when I got here, I was looking through some of Mom’s old things. And I found -- I found her letters.”

For a second, Nojiko just looked at her, not seeing what was so revelatory about this, and then something seemed to click, and her mouth opened in surprise and sudden realization. “Her letters -- the letters from Lark,” she said, quietly.

Until that moment she’d not said Lark’s name aloud, and it was odd to hear it now in Nojiko’s voice -- this unfamiliar name of a woman she’d never met but simultaneously now felt like she was deeply connected to.

“You knew,” Nami said.

Nojiko just nodded. “Hey, let’s -- sit down.”

Nami let herself be led back into her room. She sat on the bed and watched as Nojiko, keeping a bit of careful distance between them, sat on the floor beside the opened trunk. She couldn’t decipher her own feelings, which was disconcerting -- was she angry? sad? just confused? Probably all of them at once.

Nojiko rifled through the spread of letters and photographs, as if looking for one in particular; seemingly finding it, she held up a slim polaroid for Nami to see. It was a photograph of a woman, the same woman Nami had seen in that first picture with her mother. Lark was grinning wide for the camera and presumably for Bellemere behind it -- because Nami _remembered_ that, she remembered the cheap polaroid camera their mother had when they were young. There were photos of her and Nojiko taken by the same one.

Lark’s eyes crinkled up when she smiled, and her slightly wavy, short hair was ruffled, looked about to escape from its part. She was wearing a collared shirt and a bowtie, and Nami wished that she knew what the occasion was because Lark didn’t seem the type to dress up for no reason.

“Lark,” Nojiko said. Near-reverent; she must feel the strangeness of saying her name out loud just as much as Nami did. “Yeah, I knew about her. I found these letters when I was seventeen.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Nojiko shrugged. “You were fifteen. It wasn’t exactly the best couple of years in our relationship.”

Nami winced, embarrassed; that was undeniably true. She had been an angry, confused teenager, often waspish and mean and selfish. When she looked back on it, Nojiko had probably been angry, too; thrust into a guardian role she was too young to take, missing Bellemere just as much but not feeling able to talk about it with her own sister. Nami had been in and out of the house anyway, living how she thought she wanted, and she’d barely spared a thought for her sister’s feelings on the matter. Thinking about those years always made Nami feel guilty, but she still didn’t know what, if anything, she could do to fix it.

“You could’ve told me later, though,” she said, because this was still important to her.

Nojiko sighed. “I know. I should’ve. I very nearly did, when you were eighteen and I knew you were about to move out of Cocoyashi permanently. But I just -- I mean, what good would it have done? And how would I have said it? ‘Hey Nami, by the way, our mom had a relationship with another woman when we were really young, and they seemed really close, like they were in love, but we never got to meet her and we never will! Just some fun facts!’” She was joking, but her tone wasn’t particularly light, and Nami could guess that she had once agonized over the possibilities of telling this story.

“I don’t know,” Nojiko said, shaking her head, picking through the papers in front of her again. “It’s not even my story. It’s Mom’s. I was always thinking...I wish _she_ could tell Nami. It’s seems intrusive to read her letters like this. ‘Cause it is, I guess. But. She really loved Lark, don’t you think?”

“I -- yeah. They were in love.” That was clear as day even just from the written words of a woman she’d never met.

“I think we deserve to know about the love of our mother’s life,” Nojiko said, her voice so soft and fragile she was nearly whispering. “I just really didn’t wanna be the one to tell you about it. And I’m sorry for that cowardice.”

 _You’ve never been a coward in your damn life_ , Nami thought automatically. She was still angry, but the anger was fuzzy and unfocused, and most of it was directed at the universe, and bad luck, and a man named Arlong.

“I get it,” Nami said. “Well, I don’t. But I’m -- trying to.”

“Thank you,” said Nojiko, so sincerely that Nami had to look away. She stared down at the scattered paraphernalia instead, and slowly lowered herself off the bed so that she was sitting opposite her sister.

“Why didn’t Bellemere ever talk about her, do you think?” She asked after a moment.

Nojiko smiled brittlely. “I’ve asked myself that one a lot over the years. Honesty, I think there was probably a whole host of reasons. We were _really_ young for most of the the time they were together, too little to know or care. Hell, she could’ve said something to us when we were too little to even remember it!”

Nojiko was still looking down at the letter, a crease developing in her forehead; this was something, Nami realized, that had weighed on her for all these years. “And...I mean, I don’t know all the details, but…” she shrugged. “From what I can gather, Lark’s family wasn’t too keen on their relationship continuing, or at least, they wanted Lark to follow a different path. A path that didn’t involve Bellemere, and certainly not Bellemere’s little girls.”

“Maybe Mom knew it wasn’t going to last -- whether she and Lark wanted it to or not, and it seems that they did -- and didn’t want us getting attached. Maybe she just wanted something personal and didn’t feel we needed to know. I never figured that out.”

Nami was quiet for a moment. She didn’t know what she _wanted_ to be true -- except for that she did know, and what she wanted was a world in which Lark’s family had truly supported their daughter, and a world were Bellemere got more time to figure out how to tell her kids about it. Whichever of the circumstances had actually happened, they all ached a little to think about.

“Guess it’ll always be just another thing Mom left behind, unfinished.” _Like us_ . She thought, despite herself, _Like raising us, more unfinished business_.

Nojiko’s mouth twisted up into a tiny sad smile. “Yeah.”

Nojiko had left her alone then, looking at her with watery eyes and telling her that they could talk later, if she wanted to finish reading the rest of the letters alone. Nami did want that, and she nodded gratefully at her sister. As soon as Nojiko pulled the door closed behind her, Nami felt the pressure shift in her own face as she started to tear up, too. She couldn’t tell if she was crying because she was sad, or angry, or just full of longing -- maybe it was all those things. Everything had been building up inside her all day, and maybe it was time to release it.

Tearing her gaze away from the letters, she pulled out her phone to text Vivi.

_Heey. Made it to Cocoyashi safe and sound but am kinda having some crazy revelations right now. Turns out my mom was in love with another woman and I’m reading that woman’s letters to my mom right now. It’s super surreal_

_Idek what to think about all this_

That was an understatement. Nami sniffled, and then laughed a little at the imagery of herself sitting there on the floor, crying as she sent too-casual texts. She tossed her phone down on the bed and took a deep breath, mentally squaring her shoulders.

“It’s been really good to meet you, Lark,” she whispered to the letters, and that probably should have felt a little silly too, but it didn’t. It just felt right.

 

 

A few hours later, Nami stood, stretched her body, sore from so much sitting; her eyes strange from crying. She glanced at her phone and saw that she had several messages from Vivi, but she couldn’t bring herself to open them. Right now, she only wanted to talk about this with the only other person who could truly understand it. She carefully gathered up the letters and pictures and set them on the bed; then ventured out to the kitchen. She knew she’d find Nojiko there.

Sure enough, her sister was staring out the kitchen window, watching the remnants of the sunset slip into dusk. In preparation for the coming darkness, she’d lit the candles on the windowsill, and the flames were dancing merrily in front of her, illuminating her pensive face.

“Hey,” said Nami.

Nojiko turned and smiled at her, and it was only a little brittle. “Hey! I was just going to stick a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner, if that’s okay with you?”

Nami shrugged. “That’s fine. You know I’m not a picky eater.”

“Unless it has mushrooms,” Nojiko countered, and Nami groaned.

“Mushrooms have a fucked up texture,” she retorted, sharp. Her sister laughed at that, and Nami grinned; it felt good to just _be_ like this, dumb pointless arguments-that-weren’t-arguments, with her sister. Her one and only family.

Maybe being a little homesick made some sense after all. It _was_ good to be home.

The pizza was ready fifteen minutes later, and it did not have mushrooms. Nojiko passed Nami a plate and then handed her some sort of weird fancy cider which Nami made a face but accepted, and upon tasting found was actually pretty good. Nojiko smirked at her reluctant approval.

To eat, they had pulled barstools up to the counter, and Nami was hit by a wave of nostalgia as they did it, because that was the counter that Bellemere used to lean over, humming off-key, as she made them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for their school lunches, for the school that was too far away and that Nami hated going to --

“How’s the pizza?” Nojiko asked, eyeing her knowingly.

“Fine,” said Nami, and they ate together in companionable silence for a moment, before Nami had to ask the question she’d been thinking of for hours.

“Lark,” she said. “Did you -- did you ever try to find her?” 

Nojiko took a long drink from her own cider before replying. “Yeah,” she said. “I mean -- of course. It was one of the first things I thought of when I found the letters, and for a minute there, I was kind of obsessed. The idea that there was someone out there, who really _knew_ Mom like that -- who _loved_ her--”

The way she’s talking, Nami thought, I’m not going to hear a success story. Her gut twisted, even if she’d expected as much. Surely, Nojiko would’ve said before, if Lark was out there and they could’ve talked to her.

Nojiko shrugged, helplessly. “I tried everything I could think of. Facebook, google, good-old-fashioned phone books and address listings, but -- I’m pretty sure the surname she put on the letters must not have been her legal surname, and maybe even Lark was a nickname or her middle name or _something_ , because I never found a damn thing.” Her fist was clenched on the table, a remainder of her old pain and frustration.

Nami let out a slow breath. “Guess she didn’t want to be found.”

Nojiko sighed. “Yeah. I mean, those letters were real private -- she wouldn’t have received them at her family home. So I had no address, no reliable name -- not a lot to go on, short of flying over to her town and knocking on doors. Which, admittedly, I did consider, but -- Nami, even if by some miracle I did find her, what would I tell her?”

 _That the woman she once loved is dead?_ was implied.

“Doesn’t she deserve to know?” Nami said, unable to not ask it.

Nojiko shrugged. “Of course she does. Perhaps she found out somehow…in the newspaper, or something. But when Mom passed, they’d already been separated for years. She probably never tried to find out. Maybe it’s better to let her live in that ignorance.” She finally met Nami’s eyes, and she looked sad, and tired, exhausted from the years of carrying this alone. “I’m sorry. I really did try.”

“I know.” And she did know; that some things were unfixable, no matter how much you wanted to mend them.

She sighed. “So I guess that means it really always will be unfinished.”

Nojiko raised an eyebrow at her. “That’s just life, though. It’s not a story with an easy end to wrap things up. Seasons come and go and the wheel of the year keeps turning.”

“Thanks for the wisdom, Yoda.”

“That is literally not even a good insult.” Nojiko laughed, and Nami pretended she didn’t hear how choked up it sounded.

“I’m not looking for a fairy tale ending anyway,” Nami said, voice soft. “I just want. You know.”

“Yeah,” Nojiko said. “I know.”

And the two women sat there, watching dusk fall to night outside the window, and missed their mother.

 

 

Nami stepped into her room and closed the door gently behind her. She and Nojiko had sat on the front porch after dinner, watching the stars appear and talking about everything and nothing. Nami had forgotten how clear the night sky was in Cocoyashi, and how loud nature was. Even inside, she stood still and quiet and could hear some mystery creature chirping softly outside her window.

She loved the city, and it was her home now, but -- right now, all she wanted was this surrounding beautiful noise. They were isolated, but not alone.

Her bed was still covered in letters and pictures, her phone beside them, it’s notification light still pulsing. She took the letters in her hands once again -- she couldn’t seem to stop touching them -- and transferred them to the nightstand for continued easy access.

She stripped off her jacket and flopped down on the bed, finally opening her messages. Vivi’s excitement and surprise radiated off the screen, and Nami smiled, charmed by her reaction.

_???!!!!_

_Bellemere had a secret lover? That’s so romantic! OMG?_

_I know you’ve always wanted to know more about her life before you met. Wow. This is such a big thing to learn_

 

_Oh man I’m emotional! Are you ok?_

 

And then, a few hours later:

_CALL ME!!!_

_I mean_

_When you get the chance_

_But I wanna know everything!_

 

Nami glanced at the time. Not too late to call, so she did as directed.

“Hey,” she said, smiling as Vivi picked up almost instantly.

“NAMI!” exclaimed Vivi. “Okay, hold on a sec, I was doing homework --” there was a shuffle over the line as Vivi turned her music off and presumably moved away from her desk.

“Okay,” she said, once settled. “So...I guess this Cocoyashi trip turned into something really big, huh?”

“Yeah,” said Nami. She wanted to say something about how she felt, but she didn’t know where to begin.

“Well,” said Vivi. Her voice was gentle, her own excitement tempered. “Tell me about this woman? Who loved Bellemere.”

“Her name was Lark,” Nami said, and she told her girlfriend the story of a woman she’d never met, but who was her family too.

 

* * *

 

The next day passed mostly in a gentle haze. It was unseasonably warm, and after another shared dinner, Nami returned once more to the porch. It was earlier than the previous day; sun still setting, and she watched as a flock of birds alighted from the yard, startled by her presence.

She pulled out her phone to text Vivi.

 _N: heya, can i call again?_  

 _V: Sure! Give me like 30 mins and I’ll be good to go :)_  

_V: I have smth I wanted to ask you about too actually!_

Nami blinked down at the message. Once upon a time, she would’ve been irrationally worried that whatever it was Vivi wanted to talk about was bad news, or an argument, but now she was comfortable enough with their relationship that she was just curious. It was a nice feeling, she thought, leaning back on her hands.

Wearing an oversized sweater she’d borrowed from Nojiko, the breeze just felt pleasantly cool on her arms, and she passed the half-hour easily; sipping on more of Nojiko over-priced cider. The idea of the countryside being equivalent to peace was an oft-inaccurate cliche, but right now she felt it; there was nothing for her to do and no one around except for her sister. Peaceful or not, the world seemed still, devoid of human movement as it was. Life abounded, but the concerns of little animals and chirping insects were not _her_ concerns.

Eventually her phone buzzed, and she smiled, setting down her cider to slide her phone’s screen to answer.

“Hey girl,” she said.

“Nami! How’s it going? You doing okay?”

“Fine,” she said, sighing a little. “I mean, it’s all...a lot. But it’s okay. It’s nice to have a few days off down here to like… take it all in, I guess.”

She scratched at the gravel of Nojiko’s walkway with her foot. “I don’t even know why I called, really, but...it’s good to hear your voice.”

There was a brief pause over the phone. “You know it’s okay to want comfort, right?” Vivi said.

Nami rolled her eyes. “I don’t _need_ comfort. Nothing happened!”

Vivi clicked her tongue at her. “Yes it _did!_ You’re so dumb sometimes!”

“Hey, I thought I was needing comfort!”

“Or a kick in the ass!”

Nami was startled into a laugh. “Ouch, cutting.”

Another pause. In her mind’s eye, Nami could see Vivi’s soft smile. “If I meant to be cutting,” Vivi said, “you’d know.”

“Oooh, I’m scared…”

“You should be!”

Nami rolled her eyes, but it was reassuring that even over distance, Vivi was still Vivi, and they could still tease each other. Long distance was hard for her sometimes; she wanted to see and to touch -- but Vivi made it… well, not easy -- but. As easy as it could be.

“What was it you wanted to tell me about, anyway?” Nami said. “I really didn’t have anything super particular to talk about. Kinda just wanted to chat, so…”

“Oh! Oh. Well.” Vivi paused. “Okay, well, it’s going to sound kinda silly --”

“Tell me anyway!”

“I _am_ , be patient -- so….basically some of my extended family is coming over a few weeks from now -- it’s pretty last minute, I know -- anddd I wondered if you wanted to…come too?”

Nami blinked. “You’re...inviting me to your family reunion?”

Vivi let out a nervous little laugh. “Well. Not exactly. It’s more…” She paused again. “When my mother...died, she left behind a lot of things -- I mean. _Obviously._ But one of those things was a necklace -- or, a pendant, I suppose. It’s been in our family for a very long time; over a century, and it’s always worn by the eldest daughter. Which I am.”

She was speaking so soft and hesitantly, almost reverently.

“I mean, duh I am, I’m an only child, but -- you see? It’s a special traditional thing. And usually a mother will pass it to a daughter herself, when the daughter turns eighteen. Of course that can’t happen in this case, and my dad just sort of left it alone because all of Mom’s things are with her sister and her other biological family. But when Igaram got wind that I’d never received the necklace he kinda flipped out and called Abia -- that’s my aunt. So now my aunt and her husband, plus some other people in the family who live over there, are flying over, so that Abia can give me the pendant and sort of...complete my heritage.”

Nami whistled. “Damn. That’s a pretty big deal, Vivi.”

Vivi gave that nervous chuckle again. “Yeah. I know. I’m kiiinda freaking out because I haven’t seen my aunt since I was a kid and I really looked up to her back when we used to live together, so...augh. It’s weird. I want to see them, obviously, but…”

“I’d be losing it, deffo,” Nami said, deadpan.

“Wow, thanks for that!”

“Just being honest.” Nami grinned. “But seriously. It’s kinda overwhelming, but it’s gonna be fine -- all you had to do to get the necklace was turn eighteen. _They’re_ the ones who are late on the ball, trying to give it to you at twenty.”

Vivi hummed. “That’s a good point, actually.”

“I’m very wise.”

“Yeah, you're a genius. But -- do you think you can come? I know you have work -- and, I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t _want_ to, of course --”

Nami frowned into the phone. “Hey. If you want me to be there, I will be.”

“Of course I want you to be there!” The relief was audible in Vivi’s voice, even if Nami didn’t understand it.

“I mean, it’s just that it’s a family thing, so, I’d understand if you didn’t --”

“Why would it be odd that I want you there?” Vivi asked, her voice quiet and a little rough. “After all this time, do you still not get that I consider you family?”

Nami frowned down at the mostly-empty bottle of cider in her hand. “It’s not that I don’t _get_ it. I do. But aren’t some things private?”

There was a pause over the line; in her mind’s eye, Nami could see Vivi’s helpless shrug as clear as day.

“Well, _yeah_ ,” Vivi said. “I just don’t want this one to be.”

 _Hard to argue with that_. Nami stared out into the night, eyes grabbing at the stars, at the endless possibilities for life, for death, for inevitable decay.

“Okay,” she murmured, her gaze fixed on the blinking beacon of a far-off satellite.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll come.”

She heard Vivi’s smile down the line, too, soft and wondering.

“I -- Vivi, I --” she didn’t know how to say whatever it was that she wanted, needed, to say. “I don’t know if I can...be everything that you need me to be.”

There was a beat of mostly-silence over the line, then she thought she heard Vivi’s exhale.

“I’m not asking for your eternal devotion,” Vivi said, and her voice had something serious under the lighthearted tone. “You don’t have to _be_ anything. I just.want you to be there. Because I asked you to be. Because I think -- I think that’s what _I’ll_ need.”

“Okay,” said Nami, her heart pounding. “Okay.”

“Cobra, and you,” Vivi said, her voice so soft and small. “That’s my family...everyone else, I don’t know them anymore, and I want to learn to know them again, but, right now? It’s only you, that’s so close and special.”

“Okay,” Nami said again, because she knew that, even if the situations weren’t the same -- she knew the cutting loneliness of it, the shadow of loss. She couldn’t send her girlfriend into the fray of relatives who hadn’t seen her since she was a baby, didn’t know who she was and what she loved. _Who_ she loves, Nami corrected herself. _And that’s me._ Pride bloomed in her chest. “I’m gonna be there, for you,” she promised into the speaker. “Hell, we’ll make it _fun._ ”

She heard Vivi’s sharp intake of breath, pleased and surprised. “Fun, huh?’

“I’m sure we can manage it.”

“Okay,” Vivi laughed. “I believe in us!”

The funny thing was, Nami did too -- surely as the days crept closer she’d have those second thoughts again, wondering how she could possibly fit in with her girlfriend’s family, but laughing alongside Vivi, feeling their closeness even though they were so many miles apart in space -- it seemed impossible that time spent together could be anything less than worthwhile and enjoyable.

 

 

The weeks passed quickly; she’d not quite even finished unpacking from Cocoyashi when she had to throw a few essentials into a duffel bag and head outside, Vivi waiting for her in her car. Nami tossed her bag into the back and climbed in beside her girlfriend, smiling softly to see Vivi in comfortable casual clothes she’d clearly picked for driving; her long hair pinned up in loose waves on top of her head. 

“Hey,” said Nami, leaning over and giving Vivi a quick kiss. “Long time no see.”

Vivi laughed underneath her mouth, pressing a kiss back before pushing Nami back into her seat. “Yeah, yeah, missed you too. Let’s get this show on the road, huh?”

“Hmm,” Nami grumbled as she buckled her seatbelt. “Eager, are we?”

“It’s the nervous energies,” Vivi said, carefully tuning the audio system to one of her driving playlists that contained fast-paced songs in various languages that Nami didn’t speak. “The earlier we get there, the more time we have to prepare.”

“Oh, please,” Nami grinned. “You’re already prepared in any way that matters, Miss Nefertari.”

Vivi grimaced exaggeratedly at the name, but as they pulled up to a stop sign she glanced at Nami and smiled, her eyes curving up with the force of her happiness, and Nami was suddenly so glad she was along for the ride.

 

 

They’d been parked in front of the Nefertari house for five minutes. “Don’t panic,” Nami said. “Stay calm.”

“I’m calm!” Vivi stared at Nami, and then seemed to realize that she was still gripping the steering wheel with both hands. “Oh,” she said, and let go. 

Nami couldn’t make fun of her, as she was too busy checking her reflection in the sun shade’s mirror. “Do I look okay?” She poked at an eyelash. “Is the mascara too much? Because I brought makeup wipes, I can take it off if it’s too much --”

“Nami! You look fine. I promise no one is gonna care whether or not you’re wearing mascara.”

“That’s what _you_ say,” Nami muttered nonsensically.

Eventually, the two women climbed out of the car and Nami stood, arms crossed, by the door, still reluctant to move. Vivi laughed and came to her side to drape her arms around her.

“Heey ~” she said cajolingly, and Nami rolled her eyes, but snapped out of it.

“Sorry for being such a baby about this. I _do_ wanna be there for you.”

Vivi pressed a quick kiss to temple. “You _are_ here for me. Like, literally. Right now! Even if you’re complaining about it incessantly.”

“Besides,” she said, hefting her backpack over one shoulder. The drive over had clearly relieved some of her own tension, and she seemed to now be enjoying teasing Nami about hers. “It’s like I told you before. _Most_ of my family isn’t that close, and also isn’t coming. It’s too far. But Igaram really wanted to do this, and when my mom’s sister heard about what they’d found -- well. She had to come too. And then, you know, close personal relatives of them both, and suchlike.”

 _That’s kind of a lot of people,_ Nami thought but didn’t say. Everything was a lot of people when you grew up with a family consisting of two individuals, one of whom was now dead. “Yeah. You’ve gotta be pretty excited to see everyone, right?”

Vivi smiled, her eyes lighting up. “Igaram is the best. Oh god he’s so _weird_ \-- I can’t wait for you to meet him!”  
  
And Nami ignored the vague anxiety in her chest, because honestly, she wanted to meet him, too.

“And hey,” she grinned, elbowing at Vivi to show her it was okay to let go now. “I’ll get to hang out with your weirdly cool dad.”

Normally, Vivi would roll her eyes at that, but now she just smiled. “He is kinda cool.”

Nami grasped her girlfriend’s hand in her own. Vivi had been homesick sometimes at school, she knew. Returning, even for just this long weekend, would be a nice reprieve, and a chance to catch up. It _was_ nice that Nami got to be a part of that. And yeah, she was nervous, but so was Vivi, so at least if they acted like anxious messes in front of half of Vivi’s extended family, they’d do it _together._  And wasn’t _that_ romantic?

 

 

Inside, the Nefertari home was warm, pleasant; not at all as terrifying as Nami’s mental landscape had made it out to be. Mere seconds after they stepped across the threshold -- both of them still with their bags in hand -- Vivi’s father Cobra made his way over to them, hugging his daughter before clasping Nami’s hands in his own.

“Nami!” he said, and he sounded genuinely excited to say her name. “I’m so glad you could make it. Vivi has been so excited about this.”

“I know,” Nami said, shooting a grin at Vivi, who was blushing slightly at her father’s reveal -- not that it came as any particular surprise that she was excited. “I’m glad to be here too.”

“You are always welcome in my home,” Cobra said warmly, and he spread his hands out as he spoke, encompassing the vast openness of the place and his hospitality. “I’ll let you two put your bags down and get acquainted, and then I thought we could eat something before meeting with Igaram and my sister-in-law.”

“Sounds good, Dad,” Vivi said, and she was smiling a sweet, sincere smile that made Nami’s heart pick up in her chest. “C’mon,” she said, and grabbed Nami’s hand, leading her down the hallway to her childhood room that remained hers even now that she’d departed the nest for schooling.

Nami shut the door to Vivi’s room behind her and waited for the string of beads that marked the entrance resettled. She’d been in her girlfriend’s room before, but only briefly -- there was still something special about it, and it was immensely charming, and full of personality. From the light blue walls to the stuffed bookcases to the flags of the world pinned to the walls, every inch of the room dripped with _Vivi_ , and that made it precious. Nami set down her bag on the floor and then plopped unceremoniously onto the thick comforter and pretty knit blanket on Vivi’s bed.

“Here we are,” she said, and Vivi sat down beside her.

“Yep,” Vivi said. “It’s so weird to come back for these brief visits -- this is where I grew up, but now I barely have time to unpack. It’s like living in a stranger’s place for a few days.”

“I dunno,” Nami said, picking up one the stuffed animals on Vivi’s bed. “Who else would own a plush duck?”

Grinning, Vivi snatched Carue out of Nami’s arms. “Okay, so it’ll _always_ be my home. It’s still weird!”

“Yeah,” Nami said, letting herself lean back, her head lolling comfortably on warmth of the bed. Not that Vivi’s dorm room was unpleasant in any way, but _this_ was truly homey.

“I get that. It _is_ weird, and I feel like it’ll never stop being weird. It’s definitely still super strange whenever I go back to Cocoyashi.” The _Which is why I so rarely go back_ was unspoken; but Nami was pretty sure Vivi could guess a lot of things about her relationship with her hometown.

Vivi was silent for a moment, and Nami was about to ask what she was thinking about when she spoke up. “You know…” she said, then sat down across from Nami. “I was thinking -- after you learned all that about your mom, and I invited you here -- maybe sometime soon, we could both go to Cocoyashi together?” Her eyes flitted over to Nami, almost shy.

 _Oh,_ thought Nami, because that was -- well. It was sweet, and kind, and only fair.

“I’m getting this necklace from my mother,” Vivi continued, “at, coincidentally, the same time as you get your own sort of legacy from _your_ mother. I don’t know, I guess it’s kinda silly, but it feels a bit like fate. Or at the very least, luck.”

Warmth blossomed in Nami’s chest. “I—really?” she said.

Vivi smiled, still slaying idly with the stuffed duck in her lap. “I mean, yeah, if you want to.” She looked up, briefly, to meet Nami’s eyes.

“I figure, you came here—on such short notice and everything—I kinda wanna do the same with your family.” It did seem strange that her girlfriend had never met her sister. But also…

“Cocoyashi isn’t exactly, like, a vacation spot. It’s a tiny little place, and also sort of…”

“Underdeveloped?”

Nami grimaced. “Or, ‘poverty-stricken’,” she said with air quotes included.

Vivi laughed. “If you’re not comfortable with me being there that’s fine—but seriously, I don’t need a destination location. I’m just in it for the Nami-family.”

Well, that was undeniably both corny _and_ sweet.

“Not a lot of Nami-family left. It won’t be a party or a… uh. Whatever this—” she waved a hand to encompass Igaram’s planning antics— “is going to be .”  

“That’s fine. Seriously, Nami, it’s—it’s all fine.”

The warm feeling was still in her chest. It was there a lot, with Vivi. “Well. In that case. After we gracefully accept your overdue inheritance, wanna go see my childhood home?”

Vivi laughed, carefree, her long hair tumbling down over her childhood stuffed animal still in her arms. “Yeah, Nami, I _do._ ”

And funnily enough, Nami believed her.

 

 

Cobra’s living room was glowing bright, with people and lights both. The present members of Vivi’s extended family, plus one Nami, were all crowded (but not too crowded -- the Nefertari house reached an impressive scope, a fact which always made Nami a mixture of impressed and uneasy) into it, everyone dressed ranging from ‘business casual’ to ‘oh shit, actual formal wear.’ Nami was having a good time befriending a corner and making awkward eye-contact with Vivi’s pre-teen cousins. 

If Bellemere had had any inheritance to pass on, she wouldn’t have done it like this, Nami thought. And that was surely true, although it was admittedly quite difficult to imagine a monied Bellemere, shaped as she’d been by Cocoyashi and its troubles. She was so far from Cocoyashi now, standing in the spacious room watching an impronto ceremony that was nevertheless being treated with impressive gravitas by everyone involved.

“Will Miss Nefertari Vivi please step forward?” boomed Igaram, and Nami jerked out of her thoughts to give her girlfriend a reassuring smile. Vivi was focused, eyes to the front, and Nami couldn’t blame her for that -- she’d been prepared for a party, not a...whatever this was. A bunch of people who knew each other varying degrees of well, watching a solemn Abia carefully open a small box that presumably contained the family pendant.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Nami had always thought that Vivi deserved to be celebrated, so that was pretty validating. And _God_ , did she glow! Happiness or confidence or familial commitment--whatever it was, it looked good on Vivi. She stepped forward, as instructed, and her long dress fluttered around her, folds of sapphire and navy and sky blue, bright and beautiful.

Some other time Nami would have felt strange or plain in her short dress, but -- yes it was plain, but that the was point; she wanted to be on the sideline today; proud to support Vivi in her glimmering glory. Maybe she hadn’t been prepared for this exact eventuality, but she was doing what she’d agreed to do -- which was simply to _be there_ , offering herself.

Meanwhile, unlike the too-serious Igaram, Cobra was no good at keeping to the script that seemed to exist.

“I’m so proud of you, Vivi,” he said, eyes looking suspiciously watery even as he smiled widely at his daughter. “You’ve grown into a brilliant young woman, and we’re all immensely impressed -- although,” he added somewhat hastily -- “I always knew you would turn out well. And -- uh -- I mean, we’d be happy, no matter what --”

“ _Dad_ ,” Vivi cut in, clearly trying not to laugh. Nami grinned. “We get it.”

Clearing her throat as everyone stifled their giggles, Bibi’s sister stepped forward. “You carry the legacy of the Nefertari family,” Abia said, offering a comforting shoulder pat to Cobra. “That’s not an easy thing to hear, I know -- but I share your father’s faith in you.”

If it were Nami, she’d be panicking under the pressure, even after their weak platitudes tried to make it seem like less of a big deal -- but Vivi just looked calm, regal, strong -- they were right, just as Nami had known, Vivi _was_ prepared, and worthy.

“I haven’t seen you in too many years,” Abia continued, her voice suddenly very gentle, almost private -- “I often miss the closeness we had when you were a little girl. But even if I didn’t get to see it happening, I’m proud to have had any part in the growth that you’ve experienced.”

“Thank you, Aunt Abia,” Vivi said softly, stepping forward herself now, “I’m honored. Really. That you think I can fill any of the space my mother left behind -- that’s so generous, and I want to live up to it. I hope I do!” She paused -- a momentary nervousness? Nami tried to send reassuring thoughts.

“I cannot become my mother,” Vivi continued, simply. “I won’t do either her or myself the disrespect of pretending that I can be her. But -- this family is mine. I always want to be part of it, to be here to watch you guys grow, to support everyone that I can.”

“That’s all any of us can ask, my child,” Abia said, her smile warm and full of pride. Beside her, Igaram and Terracotta were both surreptitiously dabbing at their eyes.

“Come here,” Cobra said. He grinned, wide. “And may my wife forgive us our dramatics.”

Vivi stepped in front of him and her aunt, silent but radiant; and as she stood there, Abia carefully lifted a long golden chain out of the small box, a large pendant sparkling at the end of it. She lifted it over Vivi’s head, gently lifting her hair out of the way. The pendant fell to rest on Vivi’s chest, and Vivi moved to touch it, her fingers flitting over it reverently before she clasped her hands behind her back again.

“Before that was your mother’s,” Abia said, “It was my mother’s. And hers before that.”

“A legacy of incredible women,” Vivi said, soft, adjusting the clasp gently. “I will strive to have anywhere close to the levels of bravery and strength they’ve exhibited.” And with that statement, it was no longer a hope -- it was a promise.

There was a moment of silence in the room; the only movement the flickering of the candles placed in all corners. Then it was like a spell was broken, and Cobra rushed forward to scoop Vivi into a deep hug.

“Bibi would be so mad she missed this,” he said, “Even if she’d most definitely laugh at how ceremonial we’re being. You know, her mother just gave her the ring in private, in passing one day? But since we couldn’t do that, we wanted -- well.” He paused, and cleared his throat. “We just wanted it to be special.”

Vivi was looking a little teary-eyed herself, but that statement made her laugh softly. “Special is one word for it.” But she smiled, her hands still on her father’s shoulders.

“Thanks,” she said. “For doing this for Mom. And for me.”

That, on top of the rest of the scene, appeared to be the last straw between Cobra and the waterworks. He clasped his daughter into another big hug, and Nami pretended that she totally, absolutely, _definitely_ was not wiping at her own eyes.

 

 

Mingling into the small crowd of Vivi’s extended family wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t exactly _easy_ either; Nami still felt vaguely overwhelmed by the whole situation. It was odd to think about how these people who Nami had never met had actually known Vivi for far longer than she had, and were an intrinsic part of Vivi’s childhood, just as Nojiko was for herself. She had cut a temporary retreat to a corner of the room, clutching a small plate full of snacks and wishing Cobra had broken into his fabled-to-be-impressive liquor cabinet for the occasion. 

After about five minutes of nervous eating, Nami brightened as she saw Vivi make her way over. Honestly, as radiant as Vivi was in her dress, she was looking a bit overwhelmed too.

“I don’t understand why my aunt’s husband felt the need to bring his brother with him,” Vivi said, sounding somewhat desperate. “And then that brother brought his kids. I’ve never even _met_ these people!”

She threw up her hands in such a dramatic gesture of defeat that Nami couldn’t help but laugh -- it was a _sympathetic_ laugh, though.

“Hey, man,” she teased, grinning and poking at Vivi with her elbow, “they just wanna support their niece! Niece-in-law? Whatever that relationship is…”

“See! You don’t even know what they _are!_ ”

Nami laughed again, and then in close, lowering her voice. “Okay, so I agree, there’s too many people here and I feel incredibly awkward. I thought I was just biased against families with more than three people in them, but if you’re feeling it too…”

Vivi sighed, moving to stand beside Nami so she could lean lightly onto her shoulder. “Honestly it’s not that there’s some crazy number of people here -- there isn’t, really -- it’s just that they’re all here for _me_.”

“‘Cause it’s about you, probably.”

Vivi bumped at Nami’s shoulder. “Even if I didn’t do anything…” her hands were picking nervously at the pendant.

“Hey~” Nami said, pulling her grip away from the necklace. “Let me see what all the fuss is about.”

Vivi smiled down the charm in her hands, letting it go so Nami could see the small blue flower inlaid into the pressed gold pendant; bright stones Nami couldn’t identify circling it.

“It’s nothing special really -- or, well, it’s just special to our family because it’s _ours._ ”

“What other sort of special does it need to be? It’s a symbol of your family specifically, after all…”

It was lovely, Nami thought. Delicate, shining, light -- perfect for Vivi, and apparently perfect for a whole legacy of women, which was a really sweet thing, honestly.

She dropped the pendant back around Vivi’s neck and Vivi closed her hand around it once again. “Yeah,” she said, voice soft. Then she turned, pressing her face into Nami’s shoulder as if to block out the rest of the room for a moment of peace.

“Thank you,” Vivi murmured into Nami’s collarbone, and Nami was almost overwhelmed by the sudden rush of joy and love that came with the warm press of her girlfriend’s body against her own.

“Just being here...you’re a life-raft.” She laughed a little, and Nami smiled, leaning in to kiss the crown of her head.

“This life-raft is pretty nervous herself,” she joked. “But seriously, Viv, it’s no problem. It’s not so bad. It’s sweet, and like, I got to see your dad cry.”

“Don’t want to miss that,” came Vivi’s muffled reply.

“Not for the damn world,” Nami grinned, and then she wrapped her arms around Vivi and for a moment, they just held onto each other amidst the sparkling lights and overlapping voices.

 

 

Eventually, night fell; a calming blanket on the excitement of the day. Back in the safety of Vivi’s room, Nami glanced out the window to see a big waxing moon; stars not as clear as in Cocoyashi, but not so vague as they were in the city.

“They _do_ know I can’t be her, right?” Vivi’s voice came, breaking the quiet dark.

Nami was lying on an air mattress because Vivi’s twin bed was truly too small to house two grown women, and it had been provided for them, and she was vaguely uncomfortable with the situation.

She’d thought Vivi was drifting off, and they’d already said their goodnights, but Vivi’s voice now carried Nami’s same discomfit. Nami peered across the darkness, but she couldn’t see Vivi’s face.

“What d’you mean?” She asked, although she was fairly sure she knew.

“I barely _knew_ my mom,” Vivi whispered. “I mean -- I love her. But I don’t _know_ her. So I can’t be her.”

Nami breathed out, slow. She was _not_ the person to give this advice, but Vivi was asking her, needed her support.

“Even if you _had_ grown up with her you couldn’t be Bibi. You’re...you’re just _you_ . Everyone’s just, uh, _them_. It’s not fair to ask for anything else.”

Vivi sighed, and the blankets rustled as she fidgeted in bed. “Yeah,” she said. “I know. But family stuff isn’t always about what’s _fair_.”

 _That’s true enough,_ Nami thought, because she still didn’t know the details of what had happened with her mother, would never know -- was it familial expectations that had halted the romance of Bellemere and Lark? It had to have been at least part of it. That wasn’t really a helpful thought right now, but that pain, that anxiety, was still real.

“Yeah,” Nami whispered into the darkness. “But -- I think Cobra gets it. He, at least, really supports you no matter what.”

Vivi was silent for a long moment. Nami stared at the various mysterious shapes in the darkness, wishing she knew everything about Vivi’s life so that she would only know what to say to fix this.

“I think so too,” Vivi said, soft as an exhaled breath. “And -- I mean -- I wish it was everyone, but. Dad’s enough.”

“He’s a cool guy,” Nami said, so suddenly grateful for his support that it _hurt_.

“Yeah.” There was another rustle, as Vivi settled again. At this rate, Nami was ready to learn the language of blanket-pulls. “And...hey. I really do appreciate you being here, Nami. I think...I think it helped me a lot, to have two familiar presences.”

Nami steadily ignored the way her heart sped up at that. “No big. I really wanted to support you.”

“I’m pretty sure you are like, the only person who was here today who _genuinely_ doesn’t have any expectations about me carrying on the Nefertari line and all that that entails,” Vivi said wryly. “So that was good.”

“Glad to be of service,” Nami said. “And hey, I have expectations too. My expectations are just that you had _better_ do want makes you happy, nothing more and nothing less, dammit!”

Vivi laughed, the blankets shifting again as she rolled over to peer down as Nami.

“That’s why I wanted you here, see? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I can keep a promise to do that, at least.”

“Well, _good_ ,” Nami said emphatically, reaching her arm out towards the bed and waiting till Vivi clasped at her hand.

Nami paused, thoughtful, her thumb brushing over Vivi’s delicate wrist. “Does...does Cobra, your family, really want you to get married?” Marriage was, to Nami, a far-off and terrifying thing, and she hadn’t imagined it for herself since she was quite young.

Vivi hummed thoughtfully for moment before answering. “I don’t know. Dad’s so careful about that sort of thing; he always tries to impress upon me that I don’t _have_ to do any one thing. Most of the time, I genuinely don’t feel any pressure from him --” she paused, laughed a little -- “Thankfully.”

“And honestly,” VIvi continued thoughtfully, “from my extended family, it’s less that I feel pressured by them or something, more -- ugh. I don’t know how to explain it! It’s -- the idea is there, in their minds, whether they consciously know it or not. And -- it’s cowardly of me, I suppose, but -- I don’t really want to be the one to shatter that image.” She fell silent for a moment, then: “Does that make sense?” she asked, softly.

It was far from Nami’s own experience, but, “Yeah. I mean -- I can’t say that that I _get_ it, but, I think…it makes sense. If people expect a certain thing...it can be hard to not fulfil that expectation. That’s...a heavy burden to bear, Vivi.” _I know you_ can _bear it,_ she thought. _But you shouldn’t have to_. She didn’t know if that was what Vivi wanted to hear right now, so she didn’t say it.

“I know,” Vivi whispered into the night. “And...I’m strong. I _can_ do it...but sometimes I do just want some things for myself, and only myself. I love my family, all of them -- even the ones I hardly know -- but I can’t --”

“Don’t sacrifice yourself on an altar for them,” Nami said. “Please.”

Vivi fell silent for a moment. Then; “I won’t,” she said. “I can be selfish sometimes, too,” she said, and even in the dark, Nami could see the little quirk of her mouth as she smiled.

 _That’s what makes you so outstanding,_ thought Nami. _Being selfish only sometimes, being too near-perfect all the rest._ Aloud, she said, simply, “Good.”

 

 

It was the next morning, and Nami had been lurking outside of Cobra’s office for what felt like a small eternity but in reality had probably been about two minutes. Grumbling at herself for having the audacity to be nervous of Cobra Nefertari, who was probably one of the dadliest men alive, she knocked sharply on the door.

“Come in!” Cobra’s voice called, almost immediately. Nami took a deep breath, and pushed his door open.

“Um,” she said. “It’s me,” when Cobra didn’t automatically look up.

He looked up from whatever it was he was so intent on. “Oh! Nami! I’m sorry, I was expecting Igaram.” He eyed her. “Ah -- were you looking for something?”

He even said ‘what the hell do you want’ politely, Nami thought, amused. “Uh, no, not exactly. I just -- I don’t know. I wanted to thank you for inviting me to Vivi’s ceremony. That’s a pretty private thing to share. I just wanted you to know that I’m honored.” She had rehearsed those lines in her head on the way over, and they only stumbled a little off her tongue. It was true, she _was_ honored by this.

Cobra smiled and set down his paperwork. “Please, Nami, sit,” he said, gesturing at the chair opposite him.

She obeyed, and he looked at her, kindly. “Firstly,” he said, and then grinned -- ”It was Vivi who invited you, and I suspect she would have done so whether I liked it or not. But I was quite pleased that she both wanted to include you and took the initiative to do so. This was _her_ celebration. On a personal level, though -- I’m glad you’re here. If Vivi considers you family, then so do I.”

Nami had a split-second urge to tell him that she’d never had a father, but if she did she’d want him to be like Cobra. The urge passed and she just sat there feeling vaguely embarrassed.

“Thanks,” she said, inadequately, but Cobra just kept looking at her with his kind eyes.

“She’s so happy with you,” he said wistfully. “That’s all a man can want for his daughter, truly. Ah… young love! Bibi and I were like you two once, you know, all that running around and making memories.” His eyes went distant, and a little sad. “Well! I’m sure you don’t want to hear an old man’s old memories. Not when you have new ones to make.”

She wouldn’t have minded hearing some stories of the illustrious Bibi, actually, but that was an activity best shared with Vivi, so she just offered her politest laugh instead. “I’m, uh, I’m sure you have work to do, anyway…”

Cobra waved a dismissive hand at his desk. “Ah, well, I suppose you’re right. You will be joining us for dinner tonight, correct?”

“Yeah, of course!”

He smiled that fatherly smile again. “Good. Perhaps some family secrets will be revealed then.”

 

 

Nami wasn’t sure she’d learned any Nefertari family secrets, but after that long-running dinner, she was entirely too aware of various fun factoids about various family members -- many long dead or estranged -- as well as Igaram and Terracotta’s entire life stories. 

They slipped into Vivi’s room after the dishes were finally cleared away, Nami trying and mostly failing not to laugh at the jokes her girlfriend had made at poor Igaram’s expense. She pulled the door shut behind her, leaning against it and revelling slightly in the privacy it offered.

“Ready for some peace and quiet?” Vivi asked, grinning at her. “They can be a bit much.”

They could, but, “I mean…” Nami gestured vaguely, referring to the universe in general -- “Luffy, though.”

Vivi’s eyes crinkled up as she laughed. “Okay, true. If ‘A Lot’ was a contest, Luffy would win, easy. How’d you end up with so many excitable people, huh?”

Nami shrugged, pushing herself off the door to flop down onto the bean bag beside Vivi’s bed. “It’s my magnetic personality, I guess.”

Vivi’s smile turned soft. “What a burden that must be!”

“Ah, well… such is life.”

For a moment, there was quiet between them, silent peace as the morning’s light filtered through the room. Nami knew it was cold outside, but the sunlight still felt warm on her skin.

It made her happy that she could be so easy with Vivi. There weren’t many people with whom that was true.

“Soo…” Vivi grinned, leaning forward to peer ominously at Nami. “Am I gonna get to hear scandalous Nami stories when we visit Nojiko?”

Nami felt very charmed by that ‘when’; that Vivi was already so set on this plan of theirs. “Uh, not unless you get Igaram to spill the deets on you instead of like, himself.”

“Ouch,” laughed Vivi. “You drive a hard bargain.”

Nami kicked out her leg to poke at Vivi. “Honestly, Nojiko is a wild card. I can’t control. Guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

Vivi got off the bed to plant herself down beside Nami; their limbs tangling in the too-small beanbag. “I can do that,” she smiled, entwining her fingers with Nami’s. “I can’t wait to see it all.”

 

* * *

 

Nami had to admit that the landscape unfolding in front of her was beautiful. Every time she made the voyage back to Cocoyashi she found herself thinking that; she’d resented the isolation of rural life as a teenager, but for all that she loved city living -- it _was_ gorgeous out here. Even winter couldn’t dampen it; bare trees on dry earth were outside the window, but in the distance, mountains with their evergreens loomed their steady, peaceful presence.

“Wow,” said Vivi from the driver’s seat, evidently thinking the same thing. “So this is where you come from, huh?”

“Not where I was born,” Nami said. She smiled. “But yeah, this is where I was raised.”

“It’s got an austere beauty to it,” Vivi said thoughtfully. “I like that it’s...open, I guess. Even with all the trees and the mountains in the distance, you can really see the sky.”

Nami shifted so she could peer closer out the window. “Yeah. It’s great at night -- you can see way more than you can in the city. I like where I am now, but l’ll give Cocoyashi that one.”

Vivi smiled, nodding in acknowledgment.

“I’ve never lived in a place like this. We were in a city when I was a little kid -- a big city, you know -- and then my house now and my school, you’ve seen those. It’s really charming!”

Nami couldn’t help but feel a flutter in her heart that Vivi liked her home -- sure, she hadn’t seen the worst of it yet, but she knew about it, and she accepted it for what it was and could still see the beauty that was undeniably there.

Most of the drive went quietly, both of them peering out at the passing fields and farms and natural growth. Nami was tapping in time with the radio’s music, until -- a half-forgotten song came on, and Bellemere’s voice danced through her head in a parade of memory.

Nami wasn’t a singer, but she couldn’t help but accompany one of the last verses under her breath: “ _I gotta get a move on before for the sun -- I hear my baby callin’ my name and I know that she’s the only one_ \--”

Vivi laughed, her voice a splash of joy. “I never would’ve guessed that _this_ was your type of music!”

“Honestly, it’s not.” _But another woman used to sing these songs, to me and to her past, I guess I know that now_. “My mom liked them, though.”

Vivi glanced over at her, a soft little smile on her lips. “That’s sweet. She was a country girl, huh?”

Nami quirked an ironic eyebrow at her, but she let the song play, and hummed along to the next one, too. Things like that...they weren’t as embarrassing as she would’ve expected, not when she was with Vivi. Perhaps it was okay, then, to have that connection, and to share it with someone else. She hadn’t realized, she thought, exactly what Vivi had been offering when she expressed her desire to visit Cocoyashi, but she was starting to understand it.

Bellemere had been out of Nami’s life for longer than she’d been in it, but the impact she had was indescribable and inescapable; her mother would always be a part of her. Vivi got that, because while it wasn’t the same for her, it was similar. She’d got to meet Bibi in the shape of pendant; now Vivi was meeting Bellemere in the shape of town.

 _Two dead mothers,_ she thought, peering out at an abandoned barn, it’s sides caving to the elements. _Damn, whatta tragedy._ But she smiled, all the same.

 

 

The sign welcoming them to Cocoyashi was old and worn, barely visible from the road. Vivi seemed to find this charming. “It’s cute!” she explained, and Nami rolled her eyes, laughing. 

“Cocoyashi is kind of a mess,” she warned, and it was true: already you could see the toll of poverty in the worn cars and overgrown yards of the occasional house that they passed. Vivi looked solemnly out the window as they drove past what had once been a small country store; it was now derelict, the windows half-heartedly boarded over.

“There’s another store on the other side of town,” Nami said quietly. “I think Cocoyashi is starting to recover now that…certain situations have been resolved.”

Vivi nodded. If she was curious about said situations, she didn’t ask. “That’s good,” she said.

Nami nodded, staring out the passenger window at a small cottage -- not some McMansion, or an expensive city high-rise, but the little home looked well-kept and lived in; a little flag in the garden and ferns hanging in the porch. That, she thought, was what recovery looked like. That there were still any places remaining standing -- and offering local employment -- well, it was almost miraculous, and she appreciated it, despite her teasing. She felt certain Vivi got the idea without it ever being explained to her, and Nami appreciated the seriousness and appreciation in her girlfriend’s eyes when she took in Cocoyashi. The town wasn’t dead, and it didn’t deserve to be; it deserved to thrive. There was a part of her that felt like a coward for leaving, but she knew it was what she had to do -- and hell, leaving was what allowed her to meet Vivi. So it _couldn’t_ have been the wrong choice.

 

 

Nojiko’s house hadn’t changed in her brief absence. She wasn’t sure why she had half-expected it to have, as if her own discovery of the letters would somehow reflect themselves on its brick walls. The house looked like it always did, half like her memories and half like her sister. 

Vivi pulled the car in to park beside Nojiko. She turned off the ignition and for a moment they both just sat there, looking at Nami’s childhood home.

“Ready to go?” Vivi said eventually, turning to grab her bag, and it was like a signal went off when she said it, as the door to the house pulled open and Nojiko emerged out onto the porch. Her sister’s grin was infectious and Nami smiled back as she emerged to wave at her.

“Hey, guys! Happy February,” Nojiko said, pulling Nami into a quick one-armed hug. “It’s one step closer to Spring.”

“Yeah, well, it sure doesn’t feel like it,” Nami said, because the unpredictable weather had swung round towards cold again. She pulled her flimsy jacket tight around her neck.

“Everything has it’s time,” Vivi said, grinning as she stepped forward to place her hand in the small of Nami’s back. “Even the cold.”

Nojiko grinned, wide, her eyes crinkling up with amusement. “See! Your girl gets it!”

“Ugh, don’t encourage her,” Nami groaned, but she couldn’t ignore the rush if joy she got at _your girl._ How romantic, to own and be owned -- such a horrible thing, unless given voluntarily, but when it _was_ \-- she admitted to a little residual uneasiness at the vulnerability it brought, but she was glad to be Vivi’s, for whatever that meant or could mean.

“It’s really good to finally meet you,” Vivi was saying beside her, giving Nojiko a slightly too-formal handshake no doubt inherited from Cobra. “I’ve heard loads about you, of course.”

“Same goes for you,” Nojiko said, looking Vivi up and down. “Damn. Can’t believe my kid sister finally found someone to put up with her.”

Nami rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Nojiko,” she said, ignoring Vivi’s traitorous laughter and pushing her way indoors.

 

 

The room they’d be staying in was also unchanged. Nami spotted one of her scarves draped over the bedside table, one that she hadn’t even realized she’d forgotten, and smiled to see it. The room had preserved itself in time, like a fly trapped in amber, waiting for Vivi to arrive and share in Nami’s precious discovery.

“The bed’s big, so we can both fit,” she said to Vivi, setting her bag down more gently than she would’ve done if she was alone.

“This room is adorable,” Vivi said. “I’m glad we can share it.” She sat on the edge of the bed, then, looking out the window, and Nami felt so strange to see her there.

It was a good strange, though.

“Hey,” Nami said. “I’m sure you wanna rest after the drive, and I know Nojiko has something planned for dinner, but -- after that, I’d like to show you Lark’s letters -- if, if that’s okay.”

“I’d be honored to see them,” Vivi said, voice soft. “Genuinely.”

“Cool,” said Nami, inadequately, and then she went to pull open the blinds of her childhood window, letting the waning sunlight into her childhood room.

 

 

They ate dinner with Nojiko in the incoming dusk; watching the stars emerge through the kitchen window. Nami kicked her feet and felt strange, again, watching Vivi at the worn wooden table that her mother had gotten for cheap, so many years ago. 

Her girlfriend was attentive, funny; her sister engaging and kind. There was a lingering awkwardness that she felt but that she attributed mostly to herself. She listened to the small talk; contributed when she could; and as the night fell she leaned back in her chair, half-listening to her family, half-listening to the night sounds of the wildlife surrounding them all.

 

 

“There’s so many things I can never know,” Nami said, and her voice was quiet, and a little sad. They had returned to Nami’s room, and she tugged a little at the colorful quilt they were both sitting on. 

“It’s not fair.”

Vivi looked over to meet her girlfriend’s eyes. “I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully.

“It’s not fair that you lost your mother early, or that she felt she couldn’t tell you about something in her life that was clearly so important, but -- not knowing everything? That’s just life, isn’t it?” She reached forward on the bed; clasped Nami’s hands gently in her own.

“No one’s ever going to know about this specific little moment between us,” she said, and she kissed Nami gently but firmly on the lips, “But it still happened. It’s still _real_.”  

 

 

_The trees shielded them, or at least, that’s how it felt. Bellemere tried to step softly, and although her feet caught on the stray branch every now and then, she still felt like she belonged, a natural extension of this little world._

_Lark certainly belonged. She was walking ahead, and her boot-clad footsteps may not have been gentle or soft but they were deliberate and well-placed. She’d been coming here since she was a child, Bellemere knew, and while surely the landscape had changed in that time, so had Lark; they’d grown around each other like ivy climbing to a wall. Occasionally Lark would stop and turn to wait for Bellemere, a smile on her face and her hand gently resting on the curve of a tree._

_“You look like a city girl seeing wilderness for the first time,” Lark teased, one eyebrow raised as Bellemere finally broke her good streak and stumbled inelegantly over a raised root._

_“Oh, shut up!” Bellemere laughed. “You’ve had more practice. I know Cocoyashi that well, dammit.”_

_Lark’s eyes still danced with amusement, and she smiled. “I’d love to see it one day, then.”_

_“And_ I’d _love to show it to you, Bellemere said, and it was desperately true -- sometimes in quiet moments she imagined it; climbing hills to look at the old windmill that had, in a far-off time, once brought great fortune to her village._

_“It’s not much to look at now,” she admitted, “but there’s...charm to it, I think. Her heart still beats, even if most of us are flat-broke, these days.”_

_Lark’s smile was still soft, and she stepped forward to take Bellemere’s hand. “And it’s your home.”_

_“And it’s my home,” Bellemere agreed, leaning in close to press a kiss to Lark’s expectant mouth. “It’s got_ charm _, god dammit!”_

 _“_ You’re _the charm,” Lark grinned, and Bellemere rolled her eyes._

_“You’re a sap!” she said, but they were both laughing, making eyes at each other, with only the trees of Lark’s childhood play-place as witnesses._

 

 

“Okay,” said Nami, frowning slightly. “So it’s real. But isn’t it -- doesn’t it feel _weird_ to have something so special, and not talk about it?”

Vivi was still holding her hand, and she started to rub comforting circles into her palm. “I mean, we talk to lots of people about it. Or don’t Luffy and everyone count?”

“Of course they count! God. I’d never say that they don’t. I’m just…thinking about Mom, I guess. She and Lark were head-over-heels and I don’t think a single person other than them knew.”

“I mean, when you think back to the 20th century, lots of gay people lived vibrant gay lives without their families ever really knowing about, right?”

That didn’t sit right in Nami’s chest, but she didn’t know why. “I don’t like to think of Bellemere as some...statistic of gay life.”

Vivi raised an eyebrow. “Well, those statistics are all made of real people...but I know what you mean. I’m sorry if bringing that up was uncomfortable or felt invalidating. I didn’t mean it to be.”

“I know,” Nami said. She looked up and briefly met her girlfriend’s eyes. “It’s just not fair, and I _want_ it to be fair. That’s childish of me but --”

“No!” Vivi cut her off, her voice surprisingly stern. “It’s not childish to want fairness. Or justice.”

She leaned in close to press her forehead against Nami’s, whispering so low it was barely audible. “If I’ve learned one thing from you and your friends, it’s that. We have to _want_ what’s right. Otherwise how do we fight for it?”

The touch of her skin against Nami’s, the way their breath was mingling, mouths so close but not touching -- it was so intimate that Nami felt herself shiver at little, overwhelmed by the combined power of Vivi’s touch and her own rising emotion.

“But it’s too late for Bellemere,” she said, even though saying it hurt. “She never got -- she never the _chance_ to be open, free.”  

Vivi opened her mouth and for a second Nami thought she was going to say something wise that would fix it all, but instead she just said, “Yeah.”

There was a pressure in the back of her eyes again. “It just sucks.”

“Yeah,” Vivi said again, and for a split second she looked stricken, the weight and pain of two women she’d never even known shown plain on her face, and Nami loved her for it.

 

 

_Bellemere pulled away from the kiss, sighing happily into her lover’s mouth. “Hey,” she said. “I have a train to catch tomorrow morning.”_

_“So?” Lark said, and she gripped Bellemere’s biceps and pulled her closer on the hotel bed on which they were laying, spread out, lazy. “That’s tomorrow. This is_ tonight _. Tonight you’re_ mine _.”_

_Bellemere grinned. “Who am I to protest?”_

_“Damn right.” Lark leaned forward to press a kiss to Bellemere’s mouth before she dragged herself up off the bed and strode over to the cabinets under the television._

_“Besides,” she said, grinning as she produced a tall bottle of wine, “you wanna make me drink all this by myself?”_

_Bellemere laughed, but it was clear all the protest had gone out of her, and she propped herself up on her elbows to look at her lover._

_“You know I’m more of a beer girl, right? Red wine, what’re you trying to do, civilize me?”_

_“Hmm,” said Lark, consideringly, as she pulled out two glasses and a corkscrew. “I think it’s too late for that.”_

_“Hey!” Bellemere protested. “Watch out I don’t throw one of these overstuffed pillows at you…”_

_“How like a brute to resort to violence,” Lark said, pulling out the cork with a satisfying_ thwunk _. “Don’t make me spill this, it cost like 25 bucks.”_

_“Courting me ain’t cheap.”_

_“No,” said Lark. “But somehow I think I’ve won you over anyway.” She held out a glass of wine to Bellemere and she sat up to take it, letting their fingers brush as the hand-off happened. Lark sipped at her own glass, and smiled._

_“You’re worth it, I guess.”_

 

 

“Sometimes things just hurt,” Vivi said, and the words had the weight of experience behind them. “I’m sorry.” 

“Not your fault,” Nami said automatically, but the words made her long for touch and closeness, and she kissed Vivi, chaste but desperate. Vivi’s mouth was warm, and when Nami pulled back Vivi cupped her hands around her neck, pulled her close again.

“I wish it was different for her. I’m glad it’s different for us, but I wish we could...share it.”

Nami breathed in the scent of her; mouthed a little at her neck, still longing for touch.

“Well,” she said, soft, “You read the letters. It was both good times and bad. Just like everyone gets, I guess.”

 

 

 _Outside, it was raining. The clouds had been grey all day, threatening it, but thankfully they’d waited until she’d successfully corralled the girls inside. Rainy days hadn’t always made Bellemere feel strange and isolated, but lately it seemed she’d become more vulnerable. She didn’t feel sad, just lonely, though it didn’t feel like_ just. _That Lark was out there made things simultaneously better and worse; she was comforted by her presence but angry that she couldn’t reach out and touch her._

_She wanted a smoke. Better go now, then, before the rain was too much. She checked the girls; they were in an intense small-child discussion of the merits and faults of various toys._

_“I’m going to open the door for a minute, but we can’t go back outside because of the rain, okay?”_

_They both ignored her._ Kids are assholes _, she thought fondly._

_She watched them through the flimsy screen door as she struck a match. The first one spluttered out in the wind and rain but the second one lit bright and strong; warmed her fingers as she lit her cigarette._

I should quit _, she thought as she breathed in deep; but she was careful to blow the smoke away from the house, and she’d already given up so much._

 _Though, Lark didn’t like her smoking much either. She wasn’t pushy about it, had never intimated that she should give it up, but she’d make faces about the taste._ Hypocritical coming from someone who drinks so much cheap beer _, she thought, but that was Lark -- she wasn’t shy about her feelings and opinions, whether they were logical or not. That openness...that was real special._

_Bellemere let out a puff of smoke; watched it drift down the gravel driveway of her home. The tiny yard was patchy--she’d have to plant flowers or something, for the kids. Or tomatoes or some other flood crop, something they could help take care of, then get to eat the fruits of their labor._

_She smiled around her cigarette at the idea. If she got something colorful, it could be two birds, one stone. Pretty and practical._

Like my girl, _she thought, and then she laughed aloud at her sentimentality._ You’ve got a woman on the brain, Belle.

_Her cigarette wasn’t even burned down halfway but she stubbed it out anyway. She breathed deep, stepped back inside._

_“Ma-maaa,” Nojiko demanded immediately. “Close the door. It’s raining!”_

_Bellemere laughed again. “I know, baby,” she said; swung both doors closed and locked them. Before the kids, she hardly ever bothered with locks. She was getting paranoid as well as sentimental._

_She rummaged through the desk the girls were playing near; there had to be -- oh, there. Producing paper and pen, she sat beside her children and began to write, the rain coming down heavy on the roof over their heads._

 

Lark,

Hello. I don’t really know how to write a letter? Although, I think I remember being told to start with “Dear.” So--

Dear Lark,

How are you? God, what an insufficient question. But I mean it! Are you sleeping well? Working too much. I bet you are. I hope your mother’s well, and that she’s not bothering you too much.

Are you thinking of me? I hope so, because today I’m thinking about you so much that it’s pathetic. I’m like a lovesick teenager...you do make me feel so young, sometimes.

So many words written to say all of nothing! I told you I don’t know how to do this. The girls are playing right beside me, they’re so precious and tiny. Come see them, won’t you? No one need know anything about it, or us. One friend visiting another. Perhaps you feel bad for me, a single mother with no husband to ease the burden of my girls...as if they could ever be a burden! But it is hard, I think I’m strong enough to admit that.

So come kiss it better!

This letter is so demanding. I’m sorry about that, lover. I’m normally more composed than this. Maybe this weakness came in with the rain.

I can’t send this, can I?  I’ll write another. This is practice. But, while I have you here--in my mind at least, since you won’t see this unless I show you when you visit next time I see you, I’m going to kiss you. On the mouth, those pretty lips, and everywhere else too. I miss your hands and the warmth at the center of you.

God it’s strange that I have children now, right? I can’t even write a rowdy letter uninterrupted! Not that ever had before, but - I would for you! When I try to write this stupid thing again, perhaps I’ll tell you exactly what I want to do to you.

 

_Bellemere laughed, suddenly, at the silly scrawl that her missive had become, the absurdity of trying to be sexy while Nami and Nojiko played with model trains right beside her. Her laugh made little Nami laugh in response, and warm love bloomed in Bellemere’s heart. How was it possible that she had so much love within her now? She supposed that was what family meant. An overflowing heart._

I LOVE YOU! _She wrote on the letter in excited capitals._ You are silly and annoying and kind of a know-it-all and I miss you every damn day -- let me see you, lover, and touch you too!

See you soon, Lark. That’s a promise!

 

_And she folded up the letter and left on the desk, leaning down to kiss both her girls._

 

 

 

“The tragedy is in how it ended,” Vivi said. “I know there’s no escaping that. But I guess the least we can do is -- remember it. And live different lives. Bellemere would want that, right?”

Nami sat up, so that she could meet Vivi’s eyes before she nodded. “Yeah. Bellemere was a private woman -- I’m still learning to what extent that was true, with this. But she did try and share what she could.”

“I remember Bellemere,” whispered Vivi, and _God_ , it nearly sounded like a prayer, said like that. “I remember Lark.”

 _I remember that they loved each other,_ thought Nami, and she squeezed her eyes shut tight and sent that thought out into the universe.

 

 

 _Bellemere knew she had to write something, but she didn’t want to; putting the words down on paper hurt, and she didn’t like getting hurt around the girls._  

Lark,

I don’t want to lose you but I can’t force you to say. You and I both know the importance of choosing one’s own way in the world, so if you’ve found a way to do that I can’t fault you for it. Or I shouldn’t, at least. But maybe I’m angry anyway.

I’m angry at a lot of things, often unfairly: I’m angry at my parents for dying and leaving me, and at your parents for not understanding a damn thing even when it’s so obvious. And hell, I’ll condemn everyone who ever stood on a podium and told me how to be, who to love, who to fuck, it’s all so corrupt and unfair, I won’t be part of it.

So if you have to leave I understand, but I’ll still be angry about it. That’s just me. Though, I think there’s anger burying somewhere deep under all your feigned un-caring, too.

 

_There were words trapped inside of her that needed to be set free, unleashed, whether anyone could see them or not, they needed to simply exist --_

 

Lark, 

No matter what I think I’ll always love you.

I’m not going to send this letter so maybe you’ll never ever know but I like to think that you don’t need to be told, that you knew, have known, know right now as I scrawl this letter in my chicken-scratch.

I didn’t tell you enough. That I loved you. Everyday I try and tell the girls I love them and I try and make it clear through my actions, and every day I also wish that you were here so that I could do the same thing for you.

If you were here I’d court you properly. Take you out on dates and adventures and it’d be just like some old romantic film, two lovers against the world.

That’d be nice, right? Maybe someday we’d even go to the moon. They say the future is now and sometimes it feels true and sometimes it feels like the biggest damn lie.

Things are happening here, in Cocoyashi. That’s a fucking understatement but the point is I don’t know what’ll be in my own future let alone you, in yours.

Why are you so far away? I’m this close to packing my bags--

I think I’ll send this anyway even though you probably won’t get it. You’ve changed your mailing address by now, I’m sure, and god knows the post around her is unreliable, anyway.

But if there’s the slightest chance you’ll get this, and know--

I love you. Now and forever. Till the moon, and back, ‘cause we both know you’d wanna come back.

I wish things were better for you. And for me. And for you-and-me.

Your angry lover,

Belle

 

 

“I remember that two women loved each other, once upon a time,” Nami said aloud, and maybe it wasn’t so much of a prayer when she said it, but it was a memory, a history-marker, a gravestone to commemorate a loss.

 

 

_“You know,” Lark said, tracing her finger down the inside of Bellemere’s forearm, “sometimes I think I’d like to take you away somewhere.”_

_“Oh yeah?” Bellemere said. Outside their room the sun was shining for the first time in days, painting bright patterns of light and shadow on the both of them._

_“Where were thinking, exactly?”_

_Lark laughed a little. “Oh, I never really got that far. Just, you know, away...into the nebulous distance. You know, I’ve never been out of the country?”_

_“Really?” Bellemere was watching dust mites fall aimlessly, illuminated by a sunbeam bisecting the room._

_“No time. Or money.” Lark’s exploratory fingers reached Bellemere’s wrist, traced over the stark blue veins on her flesh._

_“There’s so much out there,” Bellemere said. She couldn’t claim to be well traveled, but she was lucky in some of the places her life journey had taken her. “Real different, some places are. It’s a shock to the system.”_

_“I want that,” said Lark, and the longing was clear as day in her voice. “God, Belle, I want out of this place.”_

_At moments like these, some childish corner of Bellemere’s mind liked to produce absurd fantasies; like that they would go into the forest and find a tree arched just so and if they stepped through it they’d be in another realm, with faeries and pixies and the like, dancing wild jigs._

_In the stories, the humans in that realm would starve to death on fae food or dance until their hearts gave out, but she and Lark were smart people -- surely it didn’t have to be like that. Would Queen Mab grant asylum for two weary travelers?_

_“Say something, please,” Lark said softly into the quiet that had fallen between them._

_Bellemere laced their fingers together, sitting up in the bed so she could press a kiss to Bellemere’s shoulder. “Just thinking of all the places I’d take you.”_

_“Oh, so now_ you’re _the one picking where we go, huh?”_

_Bellemere laughed, letting Lark pull her closer until they were flushed up against each other, Lark’s hand draping over her hip._

_“We can take turns,” Bellemere said, basking in Lark’s warmth._

_“Okay, I’ll start,” Lark murmured into her ear. “I wanna go to the fuckin’_ moon _.”_

_“The moon, huh?”_

_Lark was silent for a moment, and then when she spoke again, her voice had a spark of challenge to it._

_“Yeah, ‘cause I’d like to see you one-up that! You’d have to stay there, with me.”_

_Bellemere hummed, faux-considering. “Stay up there in the cold reaches of space, looking down on Earth, like the 'small blue marble' photo they used to show us in school.”_

_“You know they don’t show that shit in schools around here!”_

_Bellemere tilted her head back to look Lark in the eye. “...I can’t tell whether you’re joking or if it’s like your teachers saying evolution is just a theory.”_

_Lark laughed. “Eh, a bit of both, I guess. I saw the picture, but sometimes it sure did feel like they might as well be teaching us that the sun revolves around the Earth.”_

_Bellemere nodded, clasping Lark’s hand tighter in her grip. “So, what’d you think of it?”_

_“Of what?”_

_“The marble.”_

_“Hm,” Lark said. “It’s damn pretty. I think I prefer living on the Earth to looking down at it, though.”_

_“Guess we have to stay here, then.”_

_“Yeah. Feet planted, for better or for worse.”_

_Bellemere turned in Lark’s arms, so that they were face-to-face, close as anything. “Lots of places on this dreary old rock to still see.”_

_Lark was quiet, her eyes fluttering away from Bellemere’s--no easy feat when they were pressed up against each other._

_“I want to see it all, with you. But…”_

_“But you’re scared?”_

_Normally Lark would’ve snapped at her for implying cowardice. That wasn’t what she meant to imply, though, and Lark didn’t get defensive._

_“Maybe that. And it’s just not possible right now, is it?”_

_It wasn’t. Too many things to be left behind._

_Bellemere kissed Lark, gently. When she pulled back, Lark had squeezed her eyes shut._

_“Guess not,” Bellemere said. “But, you know, there’s always the future.”_

_Lark let out a breath, leaned forward to press her face into the curve of Bellemere’s shoulder._

_“Yeah,” she said, voice muffled, and Bellemere rubbed at her back. She watched the sunlight again, the shadows starting to dip and change as midday turned towards afternoon, and she wondered what was to come._

 

* * *

 

“Whatcha thinking about?”

Nami hummed non-committedly. The tension of their evening hadn't disappeared, but the mood was easier now, as if speaking aloud of the tragedies of Bellemere and Lark made them easier to bear. “Just contemplating how mad my manager is gonna be when I finally show up after asking off for like three weekends in a row.”

“Sounds fun,” Vivi said, deadpan. “She has you work too many weekends, anyway.”

“I agree, however, tragically, my bank account does not.” Grinning, Nami rolled over on the bed to face Vivi. “Alsoooo, I’m maybe thinking about you,” she said.

“How romantic!”

“Eh, I’m only thinking about you a little. The money usually wins.”

“Sure,” said Vivi, grabbing Nami’s hand and pulling it up between them “That’s why we’re here right now.”

“Ouch, you got me,” Nami grinned. “The money-hoarder has a heart.” She squeezed their clasped hands tighter.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”

Nami’s aforementioned heart hammered in her breast. “You can tell. It’s not much of a secret anymore.”

“No one has to know, for it to be real.” Vivi let go of Nami’s hands only to press her palm against Nami’s chest, feeling the beat and thrum of her. “I’m real, okay? I’ll always be real, no matter what.”

 _Even if we get swept away by the sands of time? Even if the worst things I can imagine tore us to pieces and we were scattered in the winds?_ It was hard to believe, but she wanted it to be true.

“Even if…” Vivi said, like she’d read Nami’s mind. “Even if something terrible were to happen.”

“Let’s not jinx it, yeah?”

“It’s not a jinx!” Vivi cuddled up close, like she was trying to touch Nami in as many places as possible, force the physicality of her presence on her. “It’s a promise.”

“Okay.” The nervousness, the anxiety, was still there, maybe it would always be, but --. Even for Lark and her mother, even when things end for complicated reasons, years later, someone unearthed the remnants of their relationship, held the knowledge of them in their minds. There were lots of people that held Nami and Vivi in their minds. _Forever and always, amen, or_ _whatever it is that people say._

She cupped the back of Vivi’s head where she was leaned into the curve of Nami’s shoulder, her fingers carding through her long hair. For a moment, she tried to focus on the sensation of her fingertips pressing on each strand, like some sort of Instagram mindfulness challenge. And just like the pretty girls on that ap said, it was grounding, and she didn’t want to stop, just let herself live in the moment of the touch, trapped spinning in an eternal second, like a fly in amber.

 _I’m gonna remember this moment forever,_ she thought, and it was like all memories that started like that—as soon as she said it, she knew it was true. If that was so, then maybe it was okay, maybe it was okay, to just relish this moment while it lasted. She pressed her face close to Nami, taking in the scent of her, the warmth of her, the _everything_ of her.

 

 

It was after their shared dinner, and it was getting late. Not horribly late -- Nami had certainly stayed up drinking far later, particularly in her misspent youth -- but late by the perfectly reasonable standards of her girlfriend and her sister. They said their goodnights to Nojiko, then she and Vivi traipsed back upstairs, Vivi yawning a little as they went. 

“Tired?” Nami prompted. “Nojiko’s no Igaram, but she still bring a lot of her own energy to the table.”

Vivi laughed, messing with the gold pendent on her necklace. “It’s true that I wouldn’t have expected so….much from her.”

“That’ll teach you to underestimate my family, huh?”

She turned around as she said it, and Vivi was gazing up at her from the stair below, looking tired, yes, but peaceful and happy, too.

“I don’t know about that,” Vivi said, with a slight smile gracing her face. “You’re something of a powerhouse sometimes, Nami.”

Nami shook her head, ignoring the way her ears were heating up.

“Don’t exaggerate.”

Vivi shook her head, blue locks rustling artfully around her shoulders. “I’m just saying what I see.”

She stepped up to match Nami’s place on the stair, and Nami ignored the way her heart was pounding and leaned it; cupping Vivi’s chin in her hand and pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.

“Okay,” Nami said. “Ya gonna prove that to me in me in my childhood room, huh?”

It was Vivi’s hand that found the doorknob to the room; Vivi’s strength that tugged Nami gently to the bed; Vivi’s mouth that coaxed her down.

“I don’t know,” Vivi said, the both of them lying in the dim light on the wide bed. “Let’s see.” And she kissed Nami again; leaning forward to touch with her mouth and with her hands.

 

An hour later, midnight was approaching and Nami rolled over in the bed, missing the warmth of Vivi’s body against hers, but grinning as she grabbed her bag, full of knowledge and amusement at what she was about to start, and how much her girlfriend would enjoy it.

Vivi made a disgruntled noise; half annoyed, half just-plain-tired.

“What are you doing?” she said, groggy.

Nami had silently produced a notepad -- she usually scribbled grocery and to-do lists on it, but it’d suffice -- and a pen.

“I’m starting something that I think’ll be good,” she said, voice soft. “I’m...writing you a letter.”

She glanced over at Vivi, who was still curled up on the opposite side of the bed, blinking up at her, sleepy and wondrous.

“Really?”

“Really,” Nami said, and she grinned, leaned over and pressed a kiss to Vivi’s forehead, before she pressed pen to paper.

 

_Dear Vivi,_

_Hello. Feels pretty silly to write this when you’re lying right next to me; unlike Lark and my mother you haven’t been torn apart by distance and circumstance. But I know how lonely and distant I’ll feel sometimes, when you’ve gone back to school, and I guess that’s when I’ll send this. Or maybe I’ll just read it to you tomorrow, after you’ve had some rest -- who knows?_

_But I’d kind of like this to be the start of something. If you don’t mind, I mean. You never even have to answer back, but I think right now I need this, need a physical record of my existence, your existence, and all that we are-- sounds kinda pretentious or self-important, I guess, but who cares?_

_We know what we need. Or at least, I’m trying to. Let my know what you need and I’ll keep writing these letters, because this is only the first one but it feels so good, so right._

_Thanks. For coming, for sharing, for letting me be here and being here in return._

 

_I love you,_

_Even if no one knows -- or if everyone does._

_XO,_

_NAMI_

 

She signed her name in clear, blocky letters, like Lark had, once upon a time. She smiled to herself, running a finger over the paper in her hands; she knew that with that signature she left her mark on the world, on history, and on Vivi's heart. 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is very special to me, so if you've read it - thank you! And big thanks again to @elvenora for the accompanying art <3
> 
> Like and reblog Anna's beautiful artwork at her tumblr post [here!](https://stjarnskrik.tumblr.com/post/184491442572/fullview-pls-i-was-fortunate-to-illustrate)


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